Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Getting closer!

I am SO ready to move out of this place!! I can't wait till we are out! My house is a disaster right now, boxes all over the place, not organized. Its hard to clean the house with all this mess! I HATE it! I can't stand having clutter and mess everywhere I look!

Our new landlord (Lady) seems really nice, she is letting us move things over to the new place early and we will officially move in on the 1st of Oct. I am so glad it won't be right around the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas)! I cannot wait to be done with the landlords we have now. They are nice I guess but SO anal about everything! I mean I have 4 kids, nothing is going to be perfect! I am picky about my cleaning and like things done a certain way, but gosh dang people, we aren't an old retired couple with no kids and all the time in the world to sit around and clean and garden all day long! Plus I think they are trying to charge us for things that they say are "legal" but I think its something they are saying to get more money out of us or get us out earlier. I'm just sick of their crap. Its been a rough year for us with moving down here and starting all over, so maybe they are sick of our crap too, but I honestly think they over do things a little bit.

This new place we got is going to be nice! Its bigger 1500sq ft, and is the same amount of rent we pay here but the water and sewer is paid, so actually we will be saving probably $90-95 a month! I also love that it has 2.5 bathrooms and a 2 car garage, a big kitchen and the master bedroom has a big walk in closet! Woot! Tomorrow we go over to unload some stuff, that will clear up the house some at least.

As much as I am ready to move, I do not want to pack up, I hate packing! It causes such chaos and mess! I have been packing the last few days but today I have not packed anything...however I am trying to catch up on laundry, I think I have done 5 loads today. Mia is not wanting to nap much today, she will sleep for about 20 min and then wake up, except for this last time I laid her down, she is still sleeping.

Maybe I will get some things packed tonight while the kids are sleeping...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Guess we are moving for sure now...

Well our landlords are dumb. They are giving us 60 days to move (better than 30 I guess). I don't know if that is considered eviction or not?? They don't want to renew our lease so gave us the 60 days. I could be wrong but I thought you were supposed to rent on a month to month basis if the lease is not to be renewed, I didn't read anywhere in the lease agreement that it states they can "kick you out" so to say. They are pissed because we paid rent a week late due to James not getting his vacation pay on his last check so we weren't able to come up with the WHOLE amount. We emailed them and explained what happened, which was something totally out of our control! And apparently they were not happy with that. I understand they want their money and all but dang! We can't control what happens with payroll! So whatever...anyway...we were wanting to move already, looking for something bigger, possibly cheaper, just something different, we are tired of dealing with these people, they are very anal about everything. When they did their walk through awhile back I swear they expected everything to look perfectly spotless, like we are some old retired couple of something with no kids. My house was really clean! But they nit picked EVERYTHING. They find one speck of dust in the corners and say I have dirt piles in the corners of my house! WHAT!? So anyway...we were just wanting to move on our time and not be rushed. Well, now we are rushed. And its going to be hard to come up with the money to move into a new place, I mean we don't have thousands of dollars laying around to hand over for deposits...some of the deposits on these places are crazy! $2000.00 for some!

Luckily we did find a few places where deposits weren't crazy. The first place we are going to try for is actually a duplex/townhouse. It is REALLY nice, it has a huge kitchen, with a little pantry, a 2 car garage, very tall vaulted ceilings, 2.5 baths, nice landscaping, it has a big walk in closet in the master that you walk thru to get to the master bath...only downside to it, is that you share the deck and yard with the neighbors...I might be able to live with it tho and Dom loves it! Its not far from where w live now so if we can get into it, it would be an easy move. It will be a little further away from the school but closer to work for James and Dom.

I am just so tired of being behind and never having money for things when they come up! James got paid yesterday and we only have like $4 left! How on earth can we survive on $4 for the rest of the week! I HATE this!! I feel unfairly treated. Tho I know there is no one that is treating us this way lol. I just feel like we are always struggling for everything we have. I'm tired of 2nd hand household stuff. I'm tired of things falling apart because they are used and re used. Tho I must say the last couches we bought that were 2nd hand are holding up good and they are comfy. The one has a tear but I could probably sew it up pretty easy. BLAH, I am just tired of feeling like a poor, broke, family. I want better for my children, I don't want them to have to wait on things they need. We need to get Ashlee more medicine for her cold, but like I said we only got $4 to our name right now! I listed a ton of stuff on ebay so hopefully that will sell and make some money there. I just want things to be easier! I am tired of getting bad news and being let down. I am tired of stress and worry!

Gosh dang, I am in such a down mood lately. I'm just tired of crap and I want all the crappy, bad, struggling, and worry to go away. I want life to be easier!
Sorry for the rant, this was suppose to be about moving lol...
Well anyway...

Monday, September 5, 2011

So sick and tired of...

James and I have been talking a lot the last couple days about  a lot of different things. Money, weight, work, kids, stress etc etc. I have come to the conclusion that my life was meant to be difficult and a struggle.

We have a strong faith in God, but sometimes it just feels like your alone in life. I know God is faithful, its us as his children that are unfaithful and lose sight of Him. I am just so tired of struggling for everything, tired of barely making it, tired of worrying about bills and rent being paid on time. I am tired of worrying about food, not for myself but for my kids, I don't want them to be hungry. When my kids need something or we need something for the house or for one of us, I just want to be able to go get it and not worry about whether spending $2 on deodorant is going to be ok or if its going to mess things up...yep $2 whole dollars!! That's how bad it is sometimes and sometimes we don't even have it so it has to wait till next payday and then...that's money that is taken away from other things that we need to get or a bill that we need to pay. $2 shouldn't be something that we should have to worry about! James works hard and he makes better than minimum wage but gosh dang, its like he would need to be make twice as much as he does! And if I got a job nearly all my money would go to daycare, so whats the point!?

Thankfully I have learned to coupon some but I am no expert and I still am not saving what I would like to be able to. I did really good shopping for school supplies and with coupons, sales and employee discounts I spent probably $20 on supplies for 3 kids and still have some stuff left over!! That is something I am proud of. But I want to be able to supply my children with things they need, WHEN they need them...not 2 weeks or more down the road! I'm just sick of being poor...that's what it feels like anyway. I know we are NOT poor, there are so many people out there that are in worse shape than we are, so yes, I am thankful for what we have. And I know that God will provide us the things we NEED (not the things we WANT) and he has been faithful to us. But sometimes I feel forgotten and I feel like we are going through things we shouldn't be going through. Its hard to see people around you, friends, family and just people in general having what seems like a fairly easy time with things...paying bills, buying things they want, going places etc etc. Now, I know that money is not everything and material possessions are nothing and don't mean a thing...you can't take them with you! But having money there to use or spend if you would like sure would make things easier! Heck, I would just like to be able to have enough to pay all the bills (and keep them current) and the rent and have enough left over to buy gas to last us the rest of the week and to buy toilet paper and shampoo etc etc. I hate having to worry about gas...right now our gas tank reads IN THE RED and I don't think we have much in the bank to get enough gas to last us till next payday...maybe tho, luckily we live fairly close to everything so we don't use much gas.
But I would like to be able to not worry about it, for instance...if we need to go pick up Shelby or drop her off, it would be nice to just fill up the tank (probably twice lol) and go do it! Instead of having to borrow money from Dominique or family. I hate borrowing money from Dom, that is her money that she worked hard to earn and I don't think its fair to her for us to borrow her money. She doesn't mind but I don't like it. And I hate borrowing from family, its not their job to help us with that stuff! Or if we want to go visit Roseburg on one of James' 4 day weekends...it would be nice to just get the gas and go and not have to worry about how its going to effect our bills!

I'm tired of not being able to see Shelby like we should. I know part of it has to deal with the fact that we live about 8+ hours away from each other, but seeing her 2 times in one year I don't think is fair. I know she has things going on and friends she is hanging out with and stuff but we are her family and we have the right to see her when we are supposed to. And I think both sides to need to work together equally to make sure it happens like it is supposed to. And I am just gunna leave that at that...anymore I say would probably upset someone or piss someone off and that is the least thing I want to do...

I am tired of spending my time during the day cleaning and straightening things and organizing, making everything look nice and clean to have it messed up again within a hour or so of being done with it. I am tired of my children not listening to me and arguing with me when I ask them to clean up their messes. Funny thing is, when they start getting things out or making a mess I remind them that they will have to clean it up when they are done, at the time they say, "yes mommy" and its no big deal, but when it comes time to do the chore, its another story. I am tired of repeating myself a gazillion times before something gets done. I am tired of feeling like I am the only person who cares about how our house looks, I swear, sometimes I leave things on purpose, hoping that someone else will take the initiative to take care of it or clean it up, pick it up and throw it away...whatever needs to be done, but nope, usually I am the one to take care of it in the end. James helps sometimes, he does the mopping and does his dishes, he mows and weed eats the yard, and he will do laundry sometimes...but I feel like 90% is left up to me. Sometimes I just wanna give up and leave it all!

I am tired of having to walk around on egg shells so that I don't piss off Dom and have to listen to her yell and scream at me because I asked her to do something she does not want to do, or I said something the wrong way. I am tired of the attitude and disrespect that I get from her and I am tired of the arguing. I know part of it is because she is a teenager but I think there is more behind it and I think sometimes its worse than normal teenage stuff.

I am tired of being fat...yes, part of this is my fault and I know there are things I can do to fix it. Though I do not understand why I am as overweight as I am, I do not eat a lot, but when I do eat is usually in the evening. I do not eat much during the day so by the time I can sit down and eat its late and then after I eat I go to bed...no time to use the energy so it turns to more fat! If I lost 100Lbs, I would look really good! I wish I could get there. Its hard with 4 kids and a house to take care of, diet alone can't do it. And when I do have the time to get out and "work out" I am too darn tired and just want  to sleep!

I'm tired of seeing people get away with things they should not be. Getting things for free when they don't need it and can afford the things themselves, working the system and lying to the government. Its not fair to those people that really do need the help. The help is there for those that need it, not because you want something for free so you have more money to spend on other things for yourself. I hardly buy anything for myself. When I shop, I shop for my kids and things that are needed at the house. We as parents have to put our kids first. Yes, we need to take care of ourselves, but our children come first.

Guess I am sick and tired of a lot of things. Maybe you are thinking that I am full of BS and I need to stop complaining. I don't feel this way all the times, just right now I am feeling like this a lot lately. I don't like feeling this way, I would rather feel happy and not worry or think about these things at all! I love my kids, don't get me wrong, they are my whole world, them and my husband, without them I would be nothing, I would not know what to do with myself!!

I am happy for my children, my husband and my family and friends, I love them all. I am glad for what I have, please don't think I'm not. I am just tired of going through things over and over again...obviously I am tired of many things as you can see. Some of it I know is normal stuff and daily life (especially with the kids) I'm not saying I shouldn't be going though it, I'm just tired of going though it as much as I am I guess lol. So call me a loser, a BS'r, complainer, whatever you want, this is just how I am feeling lately. It will go away eventually, I've gone though this before...