Happy birthday to me...

So today I am 30! Wow, I don't feel 30...but then I don't feel I look as fat as I am either hahaha!
Not much going on really. Mia woke up early this morning about 4:30am...UGH. I changed her diaper and gave her a bottle, wish she would breastfeed it would be so much easier! Then she didn't want to go back to sleep, blah...I think about a quarter after 5am she finally went back to sleep, I'm not sure exactly of the times, I just know it was too dang early, the daylight was starting to show!

Got up with the kids about 8am, was falling asleep in my recliner, so after James got up I went back to bed for a short while, think about an hour or so. That was nice. Then James had to go to work at noon, Dom left for at a quarter after 2pm and I've been here by myself with the kids since then. Thank God for the little wadding pool we got for them! Thats been a life saver. It doesn't get too hot here, but today feels pretty warm probably mid to high 80's, not sure exactly. So they have been playing in that a lot and not getting in my hair too much. Ashlee is especially whinny lately and her and Lillian seem to be picking on each other quite a bit more than normal...uh...I'm ready for school to start haha!

I hate being broke! I would like to be able to just buy something I want for myself or the kids (usually the kids, James says I'm bad at that and always shop for them and never for myself...this is true) if I want. Nothing huge and expensive or anything, just little things ya know? Fred Meyer is having a great sale on clothes and with James 20% employee discount on clothing I can get some really nice stuff for cheap! I did get Lillian and Ashlee a new baithing suit the other day, used the money I made from selling stuff on ebay in my paypal account. They were only $6.40 for each one, normally $20.00 each! But dang, it would be nice to not have to worry about what its going to do to everything else if I buy something.

Dom wants to take me to have my hair done (cut and colored) Monday or Tuesday for my birthday. I don't want her to spend that much money. She doesn't care and she wants to do it, but I don't want her to. That was one nice thing about working in a salon, I didn't have to hardly pay anything to have my hair done or for hair products...I miss those days. I was always doing new things to my hair!

Wish I was closer to my family today, would be nice to see them all on my birthday...thats one thing I miss, is being able to see my family when I want. Now, living 3-4 hrs away, thats not very possible! And I wish Shelby could be here. We are suppose to have her for the summer and it should have worked out that she would have been here, but in the end it didn't work out that way and we may only have her with us for 3 weeks of the summer. But I guess its better than nothing. I wish we could see her more! I miss her A LOT!! Its hard to have someone in your life, to care for them and love them like your own child and then have them leave and be far enough away that you can't even seem them everyother weekend or even one weekend a month.

Feeling Down and other things

First I want to say this is not written to hurt anyone or to cause any problems or start any crap, its not ment for that.

I've been feeling down quite a bit lately. I miss Shelby a lot and so does everyone else. I wish we could see her more. It depresses me, we have only seen her once in nearly 7mos. I don't think its very fair, but I guess life isn't fair. I feel ignored and not wanted. It almost feels like the 10 years I spent raising her and caring for her were for nothing. We don't get to talk to her much, its hard to get a hold of her. I know she loves us and everything but its hard when you have been in someones life so much taking care of them and loving them like your own child and then all of the sudden they are gone and you hardly hear from them. I am not and do not try to take the place of her mom, that is something that is nearly impossible. But I DO feel like a mom to her, after 10 years how could you not? I almost feel like she doens't care to have us in her life. I'm sure I'm wrong in thinking that, but thats how it feels when you don't hear from the person in a long time and can't hardly get a hold of them. I'm not talking about this to cause problems or raise hell, its just how I feel...its how we all feel, we are hurt. It helps me to write things and get it out, thats why I'm writing it. It helps me cope I think. I am an emotional person, anybody that knows me well enough will tell you that. I have been very sad, I have cried, I have been mad, I have wanted to throw things (tho never do lol) Its hard to talk about it to anyone, I don't want people thinking bad or wrong of me. Each human has feelings and emotions and we all expierence them...this is what we are going though at this moment.

I am greatly looking forward to having Shelby here for a short visit. It looks like we will be getting her for only 3 weeks, which I am glad for don't get me wrong, but I also think it sucks cuz of the amount of time we have NOT had with her, I think we are entitled to at least a month. That is the amount of time they got, usually a little more like a month and a week or two, when they visited with their mom during the summer. I just feel jipped on the whole deal. I understand she is older and is able to do more things now, she has more freedom and responsibility now that she is older and she is doing more things with her friends but it feels like all of that is more important. I am not mad about that, she needs to have time with her friends and stuff especially at this point in her life. Friends are there for support along with other things that parents can't always give. But at the same time I feel that time should be made for family. We always made sure the kids did not make special plans for part of the summer cuz they were obligated already to spend time with thier mom. Now that Dom is older and has a job, its harder for her to get away for longer periods of time, heck she even has trouble getting time off to go to a Dr. apr or dentist apt. We are having issues with that as I write this. I understnad when its job related...I had to miss out on a lot of things after I got a job, it sucks, but it happens and its part of life and part of growing up.

We just sent a package to Shelby of a bunch of things, the girls made her pictures and cards, I put together 2 DVD's one is a video DVD the other is a slide show. I love the programs I found! They are both a lot of fun. I just found out the slide show program was only a trial deal and its almost up, if I wanna keep it I have to pay $30.00...I think its worth it and I might pay for it unless I can find one thats 100% free and just as good or better...It was a lot of fun to put together the DVDs, I want to make more now haha!

Its been really nice lately and I LOVE it! I have been kinda lazy though and not been keeping up on the laundry and housework. We have been going to the river and the beach quite a bit, the river more than the beach. Kinda funny that now that we live RIGHT near the beach we go to the river more haha! We got the girls a little wadding pool but I think we might get a bigger one before long, not huge, just one we can get in and cool off in without having to go anywhere.

Our lease is up next month in this house, I don't know whether we are going to stay or not...we haven't heard anything from the propery management about renewing the lease or not, so we have been looking for something else just in case. I like this house, I like the area, I like my kitchen hehe, I would like to stay...I just wish we had an extra bedroom and bathroom and more closet/storage. I hate moving, its such a pain! So much packing, unpacking cleaning, organizing...ugh!

4th of July!

We had a pretty good 4th of July. We went down to the harbor and hung out in the big kite field, had some BBQ...I finally bought James the little table top BBQer that hes been wanting lol, so we took that instead of the big BBQ, it worked great and was MUCH easier to pack haha! Lillian and Ashlee played in the field but soon got bored of it, I don't understand my children, there we were, a beautiful day they had plently of room to run around and play and they would rather sit and be bored. Course when some other kids came by they would play with them but soon as they left, they were back to being bored again...I don't get it!

We took our shade tent to set up since it was pretty sunny and I wanted something to keep Mia under to prevent her from getting sunburt since she is too young still for sunblock. That was an insteresting event lol. We had the most dificult time putting that thing up, you would think...2 poles, 1 tent, no problem right? WRONG! First we didn't get the poles through the loop in the middle of the top of the thing, we thought...shouldn't be a problem, then we couldn't find all the pegs to stake it into the ground and then the wind was blowing and because we DID NOT have the poles looped through the top it was all wobbly haha! All this time the kids were under it having a blast playing around and it kept falling down on them! SO...we decided to take it down and start over, James went home to get some more pegs and while he was gone I found one stuck in the ground, he also went to get the paper plates we forgot and the charcoal for the BBQ...when he got back he realized he forgot the charcoal lol! So, instead of going back to the house he just went down to the store and bought some...he was gone forever! The line at the store was really long...would have been a shorter trip if he would have just went home!

Mia decided she didn't like it much out there and was fussy the whole time, she didn't want her bottle, she didn't want to be held and she didn't want to sleep. I changed her clothes because I thought maybe she was cold and changed her diaper, that helped a little but she still was not too happy. She didn't really cry a lot, just fussy.

The girls kept asking when the fireworks were going to start...over and over again! They were getting very impatient and everytime somebody shot off a firework they thought the show was starting. Just before they started we packed everything up and loaded it in the back of the suburban and had the kids sit back there to watch from there, which worked out pretty good.

It was a pretty cool show, they had lots of different kinds of fireworks, some were so HUGE and some looked 3D! They had the radio station play a special program of songs to go along with the display. It was pretty neat! As soon ad the show was over we rushed to get the rest of the stuff in the suburban and get the kids all buckled in, but we wern't fast enough, we sat in line in the parking lot for probably at least a half hour waiting to get out onto the main road. Ashlee fell asleep within 10 minutes of just being in the parking lot and Lillian was asleep before we got home (and its only MAYBE a 5 minute drive after you get on the main road)

Mia was happy to be home and went to sleep pretty quickly, the kids were out as soon as their heads hit their pillows and they slept in till almost 10am!

I can't belive I am going to be 30 in just a few days!! Wow time flies, I don't even feel like 30!