First I want to say this is not written to hurt anyone or to cause any problems or start any crap, its not ment for that.
I've been feeling down quite a bit lately. I miss Shelby a lot and so does everyone else. I wish we could see her more. It depresses me, we have only seen her once in nearly 7mos. I don't think its very fair, but I guess life isn't fair. I feel ignored and not wanted. It almost feels like the 10 years I spent raising her and caring for her were for nothing. We don't get to talk to her much, its hard to get a hold of her. I know she loves us and everything but its hard when you have been in someones life so much taking care of them and loving them like your own child and then all of the sudden they are gone and you hardly hear from them. I am not and do not try to take the place of her mom, that is something that is nearly impossible. But I DO feel like a mom to her, after 10 years how could you not? I almost feel like she doens't care to have us in her life. I'm sure I'm wrong in thinking that, but thats how it feels when you don't hear from the person in a long time and can't hardly get a hold of them. I'm not talking about this to cause problems or raise hell, its just how I feel...its how we all feel, we are hurt. It helps me to write things and get it out, thats why I'm writing it. It helps me cope I think. I am an emotional person, anybody that knows me well enough will tell you that. I have been very sad, I have cried, I have been mad, I have wanted to throw things (tho never do lol) Its hard to talk about it to anyone, I don't want people thinking bad or wrong of me. Each human has feelings and emotions and we all expierence them...this is what we are going though at this moment.
I am greatly looking forward to having Shelby here for a short visit. It looks like we will be getting her for only 3 weeks, which I am glad for don't get me wrong, but I also think it sucks cuz of the amount of time we have NOT had with her, I think we are entitled to at least a month. That is the amount of time they got, usually a little more like a month and a week or two, when they visited with their mom during the summer. I just feel jipped on the whole deal. I understand she is older and is able to do more things now, she has more freedom and responsibility now that she is older and she is doing more things with her friends but it feels like all of that is more important. I am not mad about that, she needs to have time with her friends and stuff especially at this point in her life. Friends are there for support along with other things that parents can't always give. But at the same time I feel that time should be made for family. We always made sure the kids did not make special plans for part of the summer cuz they were obligated already to spend time with thier mom. Now that Dom is older and has a job, its harder for her to get away for longer periods of time, heck she even has trouble getting time off to go to a Dr. apr or dentist apt. We are having issues with that as I write this. I understnad when its job related...I had to miss out on a lot of things after I got a job, it sucks, but it happens and its part of life and part of growing up.
We just sent a package to Shelby of a bunch of things, the girls made her pictures and cards, I put together 2 DVD's one is a video DVD the other is a slide show. I love the programs I found! They are both a lot of fun. I just found out the slide show program was only a trial deal and its almost up, if I wanna keep it I have to pay $30.00...I think its worth it and I might pay for it unless I can find one thats 100% free and just as good or better...It was a lot of fun to put together the DVDs, I want to make more now haha!
Its been really nice lately and I LOVE it! I have been kinda lazy though and not been keeping up on the laundry and housework. We have been going to the river and the beach quite a bit, the river more than the beach. Kinda funny that now that we live RIGHT near the beach we go to the river more haha! We got the girls a little wadding pool but I think we might get a bigger one before long, not huge, just one we can get in and cool off in without having to go anywhere.
Our lease is up next month in this house, I don't know whether we are going to stay or not...we haven't heard anything from the propery management about renewing the lease or not, so we have been looking for something else just in case. I like this house, I like the area, I like my kitchen hehe, I would like to stay...I just wish we had an extra bedroom and bathroom and more closet/storage. I hate moving, its such a pain! So much packing, unpacking cleaning, organizing...ugh!
No comments:
Post a Comment